faboo mama

Is there some way to revoke NBCs Olympic coverage priveleges? I mean, is it too much to ask to actually watch a whole race, run or whatever they call figure skating competitions? Must we be so USA-centric here? I knew that after Brian Williams propaganda at the (surreal) opening games (I sent a letter to [email protected], but it got kicked back to me), that I’d be witnessing the lowest bar set for planetwide televised games. But really…all the “America’s hope for the gold” have failed miserably in their missions, with Kwan not even competing (thankfully). Sure there have been some suprises and we have our gold medals, but those people ranked so low on the NBC radar that they didn’t even warrant a touching vignette on their short lives. (Does anyone else feel that Bode Miller is downhill skating’s answer to Russell Crowe or Kanye West?) Not to knock on my fellow countrymen, but the best part about the Olympics is the internationality of it all. I love seeing people excel in sports that they shouldn’t have or surpass all kinds of odds just to get to the Olympics, but I have a feeling that Americans don’t have a corner on hardship*. Okay, NBC was quick to show us the Chinese figure skating couple Shen Xue - Zhao Hongbo, and Zhao’s gruelling recovery from tearing his Achilles tendon 6 months ago, but there was no real in-depth look at them. We just got to see the gross medical shot of Zhao’s ankle. Thanks NBC.

Let’s not even touch on the crap-ass sponsors. Drink Coke. Live Olympic??? What the flying fuck does that mean? I’m just trying to envision the crackheaded board meeting on that one. What were the sucky suggestions that didn’t make it? Home Depot. Home friggin’ Depot: We employ more Olympians than any other company. Really? That’s your claim to fame? Whoopie-fucking doo. I’m going to talk to my husband to see if we could change the tagline to his business to: We have more Hungarian-Romanian’s married to black chicks born in Kansas City than any other company! It has a ring, I’m just saying…That stupid, stupid, stupid commercial with the kids being weird, but we learn that they’re just Olympians in training…such a dumb ad that I don’t even know what it’s for. Clydesdales. I’m so sick of those fucking horses. I hate Budweiser and the archaic ad campaigns they employ. To make it more insulting, they didn’t even bother creating a new ad campaign for the 2006 Winter Olympics, nope…they just re-ran an ad from the 2004 Summer Olympics. Nice. Chevrolet and their “Olympic Moment”. I think Jimmy Roberts should be like Daddy Warbucks in Annie, “Did I just do a commercial!” Tacky. Tonight’s Olympic Moment: Crashes! What an uplifting choice of Olympic Moments. I’m just fucking moved.

Now let’s get to programming. Remember the days when the Olympics were carried live? Remember when you had to set your VCR to tape figure skating at 2:45pm? Well now, we’re subjected to 3.5 hours of highlights. By the time the Olympics air here on the West Coast, I already know who won. Hell, Comcast On-Demand has the winners up before NBC plays their stinkin’ highlight reel. And that’s exactly what it is: a flippin’ highlight reel. I have no idea what’s edited out until I see who’s competed. On the computer. Where it’s already tomorrows in Torino. You’d think that there are really only 6 people competing in any given sport. Those other names? They’re just ghosts of Olympics past.

And what the flying fuckeroo is up with the announcers? The guys covering all the different downhill races sound like they’re getting stoned in the booth. Don’t even get me started on the dude covering snowboard. Bill? Ted? Is that you? The most professional commentators have been in speed skating and bobsled (luge?). They need to give those other fools some lessons. Which brings me to the assholes covering figure skating. The Tony Curtis wannabe is on my shit list. He’s what? 80? Acts like he was THE pinnacle of figure skating. That nothing on the ice these days is worth talking about. The lady is pure unadulterated evil. I’ve never heard a commentator just talk so much shit about competitors. I could understand if she was a judge giving her thoughts, but she’s not. We don’t need your freakin’ opinion, just tell us what they’re doing and give us some updates on practice. Yesterday, she called someone ‘trite’. How incredibly rude. It was pretty funny though, there was some hot guy skating yesterday. The other guy was talking and the lady and K-Mart Tony Curtis were just enraptured by the guy. So he said something about hot guy’s skating style, then TC said, “but I just love watching him skate.” and she said, “Yes, instead of talking.” End of commentary. They were sooooooooooo breathless, I don’t envy the person who had to clean the booth after they left.

I guess I should say something nice about NBCs coverage…hmmm…er…ummmmmmmm. I’m thinking, I’m thinking! Oh! Simulcast. That is flippin’ brilliant. On the women’s mogul run the other day, in replay they showed one lady going down with the leader going down with her. That was really, really cool. Hmmm…okay! That’s it!

I think it’s time that NBC learned the purpose and spirit of these Olympic games. And once I figure out how to contact them (beyond [email protected]), I’ll do so.

*Poor dear. I feel for this cat. I really do.

The NBC Sucks by faboo mama, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.