Kids


13
Dec 09

Top 5 questions people say when they hear you don’t want to have more kids

I stumbled across this article titled: 9 Silly Things People Say When They Hear You Don’t Want Kids (And Ways to Counter Them). Just from that you know that the author is one of those so-in-love-with-their-own-cleverness sorts. Not that’s bad, but you know…you can come off like a jackass. I should know. I’m that sort.

That being said, the author has been kind enough to give unreasonably stupid responses to the unreasonably stupid questions nosy people ask or unreasonably stupid statements they make when they find you don’t want children.

The only one that was rather amusing was:

5. “But they’re so cute!”

This is a topping good reason to buy a Hello Kitty “vibrator,” but to bring a whole new person into existence?

We hadn’t planned on having kids. Even though I was asked these questions (which I do think is extremely rude), I was never a jackass like the author and most childless-by-choice people I see online. People did tell us that we’d change our minds and clearly we did. Otherwise, my stock answer to strangers asking “Do you plan on having children?” was “Not at the moment.” Pushers got ruder responses. To my friends, I typically responded, “The day after never!”

Having kids does NOT stop these rude questions. I have a girl and a boy and people still push us to procreate. When I get the questions below, I just, smile and say, “Yeah…we’re done.” (Hey! Who says I lack tact?)

1. “Well, I was raised in a large family. I loved the chaos. “

That’s great. For you. But I have to raise that chaos. My two already create enough chaos for me.

2. “But don’t you think your daughter should have a sister/son should have a brother?”

I have one of each and my husband has no siblings. We turned out just fine.

3. “But you make such cute babies.”

Your point?

4. “But what if something happens to one of them?”

My. Aren’t you just a ray of sunshine?

5. “You’ll change your mind.”

Just because celebrities have babies in their 50s doesn’t mean I want to join them. As it is, having these two in my 30s have wiped out all of my energy reserves.

Also note, the ones who push you to procreate are NEVER around when you need a sitter.


29
Oct 09

Pre-K Literacy Parade

Here’s some photos from today’s Literacy Parade (read: Halloween parade) for Pre-K.


27
Aug 09

She’s a swimmer now

I’m a hands-off sort of parent. I don’t believe in doing things for my kids, preferring they figure it out themselves. It makes for frustrating times, but the payoff when it clicks is well worth it. Ilia’s been in swim class for 6 weeks now. The first couple of weeks, was her just getting used to being wet. She’s a stubborn one and doesn’t pay attention to my directions at all. So, there were a lot of tears and frustrations on both our parts. Eventually, it clicked and she was willing to explore more. The brightest day was when she learned the backstroke. She’s a natural at it, even her instructor was impressed by the form and quickness. Still, she was wearing the swim belt.

As we walked toward the building, on Tuesday, Ilia turned to me said, “I’m going to swim without the swim belt today.” I smiled, “That would be wonderful”, I replied. To my shock, once we got to the pool, she jumped into the water and started doing something she had been unable or unwilling to do before: She swam. She kicked her feet, face in the water, and moved. WOW! I can not even begin to explain how proud of this stubborn yet scared little girl just getting it. She wants to continue. She wants to learn to dive. She wants to compete.


1
Jul 09

Ilia wants to be Indian

Compagnie Dansez Masala - Bollywood Dance   -10

Image by pixiduc via Flickr

We watched some Bollywood movies the other day. My daughter, dancing on my bed, turned to me and said, “I need to be Indian. Because then you can wear pretty clothes, have a dangly thing on your head and get henna on your hands…when you get boobs, you get a dot on your forehead. Oh, and dance around the mountains in the rain. When I grow up, I’m totally going to be Indian.”

She is also convinced that she can now speak Hindi, because she was repeating the movie lines.

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

18
Mar 09

Gratuitous kid photo

I know I still need to write about the Spring ArtNight Pasadena we attended on Friday. But before I delve into that, here’s a photo of the kids at Pasadena City Hall.


10
Mar 09

A photowalk in Chinatown

 

 

The kids take photos in Chinatown

The kids take photos in Chinatown

On Sunday, I thought it would be nice to let the kids get some pictures of LA. The kids were so excited at the prospect, especially since I hooked them up with my old camera cases.  Alton got to used Ilia’s old camera and Ilia was given our Samsung to use.  

 

It was a nice day to walk around Chinatown; not too hot nor crowded.  The clouds billowing over the skyscrapers downtown caught their attention as much as the red lanterns swaying in the wind.   The moment we got out of the car I remembered that I left the xD card for my camera at home. 

The kids have always loved Chinatown, but since this was their photowalk, they were calling the shots. The things that fascinated them were just as interesting as the things they walked on by.  One shop had several small pillows in the shape of various animals or cartoon charachters.  The kids were immediate drawn to them, squishing and hugging whatever pillows were in their reach. But they did not take photos of them.  Instead, Ilia focused on the rooflines of the pagoda-like buildings or colorful scrolls hanging in a shop.  Alton, took a lot of pictured of people’s feet and the sky,which we found greatly hilarious. He’s so used to see us go down on one knee to take his photo that he thinks that’s how you take photos.  

The only downside of the day was when we got home and realized that not only did most of the 121  pictures Ilia and I took on the Samsung were corrupted, but the 13 or so did turn out find can not be accessed.  We could harp on that or we revel in the fact that 2.64 miles of walking Chinatown gave the kids a little better insight on that section of LA.

 

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

26
Feb 09

A day at Travel Town

Ilia takes a turn

Ilia takes a turn

When you live in Los Angeles as a childless person, you find the city at once exciting and boring. When you live in Los Angeles as a parent to wee ones, you find a city you never knew existed.  My husband recently reconnected with college friends on Facebook and made a date to meet. Where we used to plan to meet friends at a bar or restaurant, if they have kids as this friend did, we now seek out toddler friendly meeting locations and times that work around naps.  It was in this spirit that he agreed to meet this friend at Travel Town, for every parent of a child uner the age of 3 is well aware of Travel Town.  It’s centrally located, has free admission, many spaces for the kids to run around and most importantly, trains.

The meeting with the friend was nice, the kids ignored each other as they usually do, but something happened soon after our arrival. I saw the librarian from my daughter’s school. Her son is in the Dual-Language program with my daughter. Turned out, she was there celebrating her youngest’s birthday and invited us to join the celebration.  This made Ilia very happy because then there were other kids her age and other girls to play with, instead of just the two 3 year old boys we had in our small group.

There’s something interesting watching my kids play with other kids. Ilia becomes both aloof and overprotective of her brother. She makes sure Alton is included in the fun, but then wants nothing to do with him. Alton is happy being left alone, so he’ll wander off to walk by himself or sit off to the side an watch the other kids play. Occasionally, he’ll yell out to “Ewa” and run alongside her for a bit. My daughter is very social and she’s fascinated by older girls. She thinks of them as substitute older sisters. The females who’ll teach her about being girly, because it’s clear to her that mom is not going to do that.

The party was attended by most family members, but everyone was gracious and open. There were two piñatas, which made the kid of the lady we were meeting very happy. Apparently, he’s always wanted a piñata. My kids, who have not only had piñatas at their own parties, but have attended many other parties with t, still don’t get it.  Ilia, instead of grabbing any candy she ran across, mulled over the options. She discarded those she didn’t like, she allowed other kids to snatch candy from her, she was thoughtful about what went into her bag.  Naturally, this meant that when she saw how little candy she got compared to the other kids, she was a little upset. I explained to her that she had more candy at that moment than she did 5 minutes previous, so she should be grateful. She smiled and had a lollipop. Alton, on the other hand, did the same thing he always did; grabbed a piece of candy nearby and popped it into his mouth. When he wanted a second piece, he went back, surprised as always, that all the candy was gone.

We left soon after, but it was an afternoon well spent even if this time around we never got to see the trains. As my daughter said, “We come here all the time, it was nice to be here and not just look at trains for once.”

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

7
Nov 08

Hope for my children

CHICAGO - FEBRUARY 11:  Michelle Obama, the wi...

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

Last year, about a month before my daughter turned for she asked who the “pretty man” on TV was. “Obama” I replied.  When I went to YearlyKos in Chicago, I told her about how the Democratic presidential candidates would be there and she’s asked if “President Obama” would attend. I explained to her that he wasn’t president and I doubted he would be.

She bugged me all summer and fall of 2007 to vote for Obama, but he wasn’t my choice. I wasn’t interested.  She told me on my birthday last year, “If you don’t vote for Obama, maybe a bad guy will win and you’ll be sad.”  Manipulative little…

Super Tuesday

Super Tuesday

When we voted in the primaries, I was definitely going to vote for Obama.  She was at my side, as usual, making sure I voted the right way. “Is he president now?”, she’d asked.  Not yet, but at that point, I was sure he would be.

Throughout the primaries, her face would light up with she saw Obama on TV.  She’d asked if he was president yet and I’d tell her not yet.  She loved Obama.  When she finally figured out he had two daughters, she asked me to call him to see if they could have a playdate.  On Super Bowl Sunday, I had taken her to see Michelle Obama speak (the day, I firmly became an Obama fan, incidentally).  My daughter recognized that she was seeing a woman who looked like her mom, though admittedly more beautiful.  She thought Michelle Obama was a queen.

Once the general election kicked in, she was very much against McCain. “Why is that man so mean?”, “Why does he tell lies? Lying’s bad.”, “I think his mom should give him a timeout.” were questions she asked over and over again.  By mid-September, she was done with politics and thought the mean guy should just let Obama be president already.  I agreed, but gave her an age-appropriate lesson in democracy. Continue reading →


27
May 08

Noisy Kid Toys

One thing I failed to mention in the video was that most of the toys that drive me crazy were actually gifts. If I bother to buy my kids toys that make noise, they’re always educational…okay, except for the Uniqua doll, that one’s just cool. Other than that, the noisy toys we have were gifts. Gifts from childless friends or grandma; people who won’t be living with that noise any time soon. I’ve asked people to give me books or clothes (or gift cards for books or clothes if they don’t want to think about the gift), but you know the excuse they always give, “I just can’t help it!”.


16
Apr 08

Autism Awareness Month

In 2002, I joined a birth club board for people due with babies in May 2003. For 7 months, we went through the ups and downs of pregnancy. Some of us had our babies early (mine was born in April) some went beyond their due dates, hanging on until June. At the end, the due date boards of May, June, July and August were rolled into one board. Naturally, as many of us were new mothers, the demands of a new baby forced many women to leave. Typical internet drama forced others off. Still no matter what, there are times that people drop in with news or questions. Autism was a big concern. Some babies were diagnosed as early at 8 months. The kids are turning 5 this year and some are still being diagnosed.

Some time in ‘04, I joined two other birth club boards and other moms were announcing that their kids, sons usually, were being diagnosed with autism. I read what they had to say and did my own reading since I was not clear on what exactly autism was. The Autism Society has a website that goes far to educate the general public on autism.

Autism is a complex developmental disability that typically appears during the first three years of life and affects a person’s ability to communicate and interact with others. Autism is defined by a certain set of behaviors and is a “spectrum disorder” that affects individuals differently and to varying degrees. There is no known single cause for autism, but increased awareness and funding can help families today.

They also have a list of behaviours that will help you determine whether a physician’s help was needed:

Autism is treatable. Children do not “outgrow” autism, but studies show that early diagnosis and intervention lead to significantly improved outcomes.

Here are some signs to look for in the children in your life:

  • Lack of or delay in spoken language
  • Repetitive use of language and/or motor mannerisms (e.g., hand-flapping, twirling objects)
  • Little or no eye contact
  • Lack of interest in peer relationships
  • Lack of spontaneous or make-believe play
  • Persistent fixation on parts of objects

The list made me curious as to how some of these parents decided to have their doctors test the kids. When she was around 2, my daughter had 5 of these 6 traits. It made me very concerned that kids as young as 8 months were being diagnosed since some of these behaviours were normal or impossible in 8 month olds. That’s when I learned a bit more about the spectrum. Reading about the spectrum is enough to send any parent into a frenzied state of worry. Last year, I found that a lot of the behaviours listed in some of the spectrums are exhibited by my son. Naturally, I spoke to his pediatrician and she ran a few test. She said that he was not autistic, but we have an appointment in June to revisit the issue just in case. Therefore, I tend to keep abreast of new studies and treatments in austism.

Many of the women on my birth club boards with autistic children, have something that I lack: healthcare. They are able to get their children to autism specialists. If either of my children are diagnosed with autism, I wouldn’t know where to turn. So, I direct my energies in helping these women get their representatives on board with changing and enacting legislation. There is also the obvious fact that as a black person in America, the healthcare I receive will be substandard compared to what my (white) husband would get. Wanda Brown wrote an article detailing the Disparties Among African-Americans with Autism.

There are clear racial disparities in healthcare and special education, parents and caregivers must help arrest to ensure a brighter future for our loved ones with autism.

Studies have consistently reported negative biases toward minorities in the areas of diagnosis and treatment.

Black autistic children were diagnosed later, received more misdiagnoses than Whites, and were more likely to be misdiagnosed as having organic psychoses, mental retardation, or selective mutism.

Clinicians may interpret autism symptoms differently in children of different races.

African-Americans are less likely than Whites to see the same doctor over time. A pediatrician who treats a child over time may recognize autism sooner than others may.

April is Autism Awareness Month and I’ve chosen to use my blog to spread the message. If this urges one more parent to get their child tested, then I’ve done my job. You can always donate to many autism foundations. So why don’t you join Autism Speaks on April 26th at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena for a walkathon? Or…You can buy a shirt celebrating this month: